I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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