there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
