We're facebook friends in real life
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
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