Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
