The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Randomize
