why do cheetos always look like penises
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
