we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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