Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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