I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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