Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize
