Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
