his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Someone shattered a urinal.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
