Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Is it because I queefed?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
