my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
