Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Alive.
So much puke
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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