I like to think it a success when the cops are called
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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