considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
