You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
