So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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