i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
