Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
We need to get me chipped asap
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize
