You really coming over, don't trick.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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