im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
