That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
