How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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