I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
