Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
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Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
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i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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