good thing vaginas are great cup holders
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
