I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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