I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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