So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
