he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I'm passing your future prison.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
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I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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