It's Friday. Sex?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
