Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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