I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
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