We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
