We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Alive.
So much puke
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
