I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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