dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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