I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize