I seem to have left my pride at pride
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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