My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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