I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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