So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
