My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
