When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
