i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
