I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize