suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
