Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
