Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
