Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
