Umm I'm too high to move.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
