hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Randomize
