Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
