he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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