I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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