Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
