I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
