I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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