I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
