Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
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