Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
