There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
