My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
